Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
