I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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