I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
