The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
