I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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