sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
