i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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