Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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