I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize