I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
