It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
