shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
