we have pet lesbian snakes
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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