i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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