being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
