i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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