I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think I sprained my soul last night
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
