hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
