just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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