you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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