I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
