conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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