I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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