dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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