Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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