you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
