your room smells of hookers.
And success
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
