We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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