Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
