Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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