There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
