It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
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