she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
