it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
