FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
