awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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