Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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