i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
