Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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