i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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