the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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