I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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