when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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