Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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