Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
