getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
