So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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