So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize