We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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