I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
