god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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