Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
