I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
