guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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