The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
