did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
