let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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