I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
