do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
