Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
