I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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