So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
