my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize