After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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