so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
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