I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
