I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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