I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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