Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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