I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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