He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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