and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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