Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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