You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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